The Time I Raised My Fist Toward a Woman

It's been nearly 30 years, but I'm about to describe a scene that has gone through my head many, many times. I was a newly married 20 year old. She was 18. She and her boyfriend were sharing an apartment with my wife and I. My wife and I were the quiet types; not a lot of fights, an occasional minor squabble, but all in all, neither of us had major issues with our tempers, other than perhaps stowing them away a little too much when something was disturbing us. They were the opposite. Lots of big, explosive arguments, lots of outward displays of affection, then more arguments. I never saw the physical side of their relationship, but it was implied that he did more than yell at her. We never knew for sure.

Strange to say, but I have absolutely no idea what started she and I to arguing. That part of it never stuck with me. It wasn't the important part. What comes next is. I am around 5'11'". I'd guess her height at 5'2". At the time I weighed 175-180 lbs. She might have gone 120, but probably less. It was just the two of us, standing face to face in the bedroom she shared with her boyfriend. She was spitting mad, screaming in my face, poking me - shoving me. I felt the anger wash over me, coming in like a high tide. My face got red as my blood began to boil. I shouted a few obscenities, but her tendency to argue took over and she wasn't hearing a word I said. She continued screaming at me and as I felt the spray of spittle hit my face, and the finger she was jabbing into my side, I had had enough. I raised my fist. I was done with this, and she was going down.

I need to take a moment to thank my parents and my older brothers for raising me into the man I am. When I was a young boy, it was made very clear that you do not ever yell at mom. You do not sass her, disrespect her, call her names, or move to do anything physical against her. My brothers were tough, fighting each other in the middle of the street, chasing each other around the block, and scaring the living hell out of their much younger brother. None of them ever made a move toward mom. She was untouchable. You simply did not do that to a woman.

Thankfully, that has always stuck with me. What happened next in my old apartment was a result of that upbringing. I did not strike the young lady in question. In fact, I didn't say another word. When I realized what I was about to do, I dropped my arms to my sides and began to cry. I was sobbing and shaking like a baby. The argument was over, and we talked things out a couple of hours later when we had calmed down.

If you've been following the news out of the NFL, then I'm sure you know what brought me to write this. I have no doubt that there are plenty of men out there who think that some women bring physical abuse down on themselves. I'm sure that there have been occasions when a man was going to get his eye scratched out or something similar if he didn't do something physical to stop a woman from doing major damage. But I'm not here to make excuses for wife/girlfriend beaters. I'm here to tell you to stop yourself if you get in this kind of situation. Real men do not hit women. I am a feminist supporter. I believe that women, in most cases, are better human beings than men. They live longer, they have more capacity to care and love, and they rarely resort to violence. That said, women are physically weaker than men. I don't mean it as a slight to women. It is simply scientific fact that the average man is stronger, by far, than the average woman. I am a somewhat sedentary 49 year old man. I could probably best 90 percent of all women in the world physically, even at my age. Please don't take that as a challenge ladies. We're just built differently.

To any men out there reading this: Please please please do yourself a favor. If you get into a situation like I did so long ago, get away from it, however you can. Curl up in a ball if you have to. Just don't fight back. It's not worth it. Not ever.

It Is Time

In the last month, I've helped care for my ailing father who fell and broke his hip. This would seem to be a bad thing considering he has Alzheimers and lung disease. However, when dad fell three years ago, we thought we were losing him. This fall has actually brought him back to us more than he has been in the last three years. He still has moments of memory loss, or confusion. But his hip is healing, he is putting on weight, and he is able to carry meaningful conversations with us.

I've also carried the burden of my son Matthew who is dealing with bizzare health issues that the doctors can't seem to pinpoint. All they can really tell us is that he isn't dying. Good to know... but in the meantime, how can such a young man deal with a body that is betraying him?

Aside from that, I've also watched one I love stand up for his strong beliefs on a certain subject only to see that people are being pushed away from him out of fear of hurting his feelings.

And then, our daughter Sarah was struggling with who she was and turned to alcohol and pot to relieve her stress. That in turn stressed me out to the point that I was ready to pack my bags and take a vacation from home just to get some peace.

On top of all of that, I'm currently jobless in an economy that isn't hiring.

I've watched another daughter lose her self respect and fall into a depression that seemed as if it might take massive help to bring her back. Thank God she seems to be on the mend.

And for a final blow, our amazing daughter Laura just gave birth to a healthy baby girl after having split up with the father of her kids. I think of her and how amazing she is... having gone to nursing school while working and taking care of her children. There are times that she feels worthless and longs for a relationship with someone who won't put her down and make her feel like a loser. How can a woman who is a full fledged nurse now who still makes time with her kids feel like a loser? She'll be with us in two short weeks and our goal is to love her and pump her up before she heads back home.

With everything going on, it is my reaction to crawl into a shell, hide and wait everything out. This time.... I've been unable to locate that shell. I'm sure it's hidden in the muck of my house.

I have three constants in my life that bring me joy and relief. First, my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Second, my wonderful husband. And third, some extremely amazing friends/family who remind me that life isn't all about disaster. I laugh. I sleep. I worry. I experience joy.

The biggest blow to me this last week was hearing that two couples I have looked up to over the last few years are in the middle of divorcing. I'm not sure why, but I mourned. Loud. Wailing. One of the women said that after 25 years of marriage, she isn't sure at all whether or not she's ever loved her husband. How can that be? There was no abuse involved. Children were born and raised. Holidays celebrated. And then, one day, an old friend from school walks into her life, and she's done. Just finished.

Another couple has spent the last few years caring for an ailing child. The child is now mended, but in the process of one mending, a marriage was undone.

I look at my husband who is my best friend, my confidant, my partner and I can't imagine ever leaving him. In fact, I've decided that should he ever leave me (sorry honey, I know that's practically blasphemous) or die before me, I will remain single for the rest of my life.

I sat and explained to our daughter the other night what real love is to me. All of the previous writing in this blog leads to this:

Love is a Choice.

We start out with attraction, lust. It develops into "love" and a relationship. We have moments of butterflies when we think of that other person. Joy. Even heartsickness. We grow as a couple. We wed. And then life sets in. The bills pile on. The children have issues. We aren't living to our full potential. Underwear are left on the floor. Hair clogs the drain. You get the drift. Life.

As a couple, one of the goals that we have reached is that when the butterflies aren't there, the love still is. I choose, for better or for worse, to be the mate/partner/wife/love/friend to my husband. The feelings may not always be there. You know the ones. The feelings that make your heart swell when you look at him/her. But for me, for us... the love remains. Love is a verb. It's an action. You do it even if you don't feel like it. And because you continue to treat your mate with respect, continue to listen to them, do nice things for them, meet their needs, you are acting out that verb, Love. The really cool thing is, they respond to that. And then, there are times when I can look at my man and think "Oh my gosh. How lucky am I that I ended up with him?"

My wish for each of you is that you choose love. Choose to act on it, even if you don't "feel" it at times. The feeling comes back.

You could be in an abusive relationship. Your partner may have cheated on you. You don't have to take that. I understand walking away because of that. But if you have someone who has never raised a hand to you, who walks away from the pretty girl with the low cut blouse because he is loyal to you, think long and hard about what you could be throwing away.

Thanks for reading! ~ Dawn

We've become our parents

Last Tuesday, Dawn and I went to our daughter's choral concert at her school. We were both excited to watch her sing, but not all that excited about sitting through the entire program. This was our 4th time going to the "Spring Sing", and although it has always been fun, it's also always been muggy and hard to find a seat. Another issue is dinner. We get home from work fairly late and unless we grab something fast, there just isn't time. This year was no exception. We walked into the tiny, packed, not quite sweltering auditorium right at the time the program was to start. Anyone who knows us well will realize that being right on time for something means we were early. Punctuality has never been our strongest asset to put it mildly, although we are getting better.

Anyway, we said hello to a couple of people and found a nice place to lean since there were no seats available. My feet were already killing me from standing all day at work; my body tired since the day after a holiday is always very busy and because we have an air conditioner that is going on the fritz, and to be truthful, I was not all that interested in being there. But I had to be there. The Christmas concert was canceled this school year due to snow, and this was the only chance we would have to see Rachel sing. She is one of 12 kids in the entire school to make it to Choralaires, which is the top singing group in the school. Truly, even though I was not excited to be there at that moment, I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

The kids were wonderful. Of the 4 times we have seen them perform, this was easily the best. It obviously helped that Rachel was in the top group for the first time, but they did an amazing job. The Choralaires did an acapella version of Bohemian Rhapsody that was so good it actually choked us up. It also cracked us up on a couple of occasions when the kids were doing guitar solos with their voices; you had to hear it to believe it. There were a few other songs that were excellent as well, but this was easily the highlight of the evening as far as Dawn and I were concerned. Another good thing, although not quite as good, was that after the middle school kids performed their 3 songs, several chairs opened up and we got to sit in the 2nd row. My feet found this to be THE highlight.

But that's not what I wanted to tell you about. What kept popping into my head while I was sitting there was the multiple times my parents came to things like this for me, how nervous and uncomfortable I was singing in front of everyone, and how much nicer it was from my standpoint to just observe and be proud of our child. When my father was the age I am now, I was around 8 years old and he was an old man in my eyes. I expect that he just felt like a young guy in a middle-aged body like I do now. I still don't feel like it's possible that I am a grandfather and that my kids are all nearly full grown. I wonder where the time has gone. But at the concert, I put on his shoes for a couple of hours and I kind of liked it. My dad recently turned 80 years old. Now, when I think of him as an old man, I'm actually right. But if I think back to all the wonderful and awful and mundane things that I've been through since I was that 8 year old boy... and if I think of what can happen in my life between now and my 80th birthday if I'm lucky enough to stick around that long, then I'm not an old man at all. I'm a young man who is very excited about what the next 36 years of his life could bring.

A Goal Reached!

We've certainly fallen off the wagon from our goal reaching over the past month or so! Why is it that we can get so worked up over plans and goals for about 15 minutes, and then they just fall by the roadside? For me it's because I'm so used to my usual routine, and it's difficult to break out of it. Even if it means life will not only be better, but allow me more time to do those things I love. The comfort zone is easily slipped back in to. That is why we call it "comfort". Who wants to be in the "DIScomfort zone"? Certainly not I. Making changes, whether big or small can illicit a certain amount of discomfort, at least in my life.

The GOOD news is, even though we have been too busy with our regular routine to workout, follow a budget, make multiple trips to the dump, spend more time together, eat right and in general just better ourselves, we DID make time to get our website up and running. Well, as best we could for now.

Our ultimate goal is to have a REAL website that isn't just a blog. Something that gives us the freedom to create pages exactly the way we want them. Something more interactive that allows a forum. But for now, we have at least taken the first step to that ultimate goal.

Because we have both been drawn in to Mafia Wars on facebook, the next logical step for us was to create a website that offers ideas and tips for people like us. TADA!!!! Behold http://mafiamaniac.blogspot.com. Our infant. Since posting the site last night, we've received around 100 hits. That is pretty amazing and encouraging! We are on the right track. It's a start and a general push in the right direction. Hopefully it's the push we need to get us back on the wagon with our goal reaching.

Thanks for reading! ~ Dawn

Lawns

I said I'd post at least twice a week. I guess I lied. The thing is, when you start a blog, it's easy. You have all these stories inside just ready to tell and you blast them out day after day. And then, nothing. You sit in front of the keyboard and have nothing to say. I'm going to do my best to be slow and steady for a while. To my friends who read this, feel free to remind me if I'm not posting. Please. It will help. Thanks.

I will never have the nicest lawn on the block. Not even close, especially if we stay here and the guy who lives next door doesn't move. I swear, the dude mows his lawn a minimum of twice a week, even if we are in a rainy stretch. I don't understand. When I get home from work, the absolute last thing I want to do is push a mower around the yard. What's so great about having a nice lawn anyway?

Last year was much better. Dawn's son Matt (the one who had the baby almost two months ago) lived with us, had a nice mower, and was eager to help. The lawn looked decent all summer long. He has since moved out. We had no mower as it broke down two summers ago. I mowed the lawn for the first time all year on Saturday. Those of you who live near me know it was a rainy weekend. Saturday morning was nice, so I called Dawn's ex husband to see if I could borrow their mower. This might sound a little weird to those of you who don't know us, but we have a really good relationship with her ex and his wife. So there I was, attempting to push the mower through knee high, somewhat wet grass when the rain started up again. Mower dies, pull the cord, try to go a little slower, rain comes down a little harder, mower dies... you get the picture. The best part was when this grungy guy on a bike (I'm not sure if he's homeless, but he looks like he might be) comes pedaling up and kind of laughs at me and says, "it don't work too well in the wet grass you know." I mumbled that it was my only chance to get it done, but I really wanted to say "No !@# Sherlock."

Anyway, I get the front and the side done, and the back looks WAY too tall. I decided we'd need a weed eater and then hit it with the mower, and I'm not getting it done today. The rain had stopped at this point and the sun was shining, so I wasn't too concerned about getting the mower put away. Big mistake. After sitting in the bedroom playing on the computer for around 1/2 an hour, it started pouring. Not your typical Oregon drizzle, but a good old-fashioned downpour. I run outside and push the mower out of the rain as fast as I can to get it under our little shelter thingie out in the back and ran into a post. They don't make mower's wheels like they used to. The rim on this one was made out of plastic, probably in China or Taiwan. Now, it's bound for the landfill, and I have to get it fixed. So I have decided that it's time to pave the entire yard. I can paint it green. Won't that look nice?

John

Finally. A new post!

Sorry it's been so long. Easter came and went, and I got sick... again... so the blog wasn't exactly a priority for a little while. I'll put it in writing though, for those of you who have been asking me about this... and you can bring it up to me if I fall behind again... but unless there are extreme circumstances, I will post twice a week minimum from here on out.

We have been busy working on our project that we hinted at in earlier posts. Tomorrow night, we are taking some steps to further this project, so don't expect to see us hanging around on facebook. We are allowing ourselves half an hour to read our email etc. and then we shall be hard at work trying to launch our new business.

Part of the reason for the lack of posts here, I must admit, was a slight feeling of discouragement. We ran into some snags. With some help from a friend, and a few ideas of our own, I believe we have worked out a temporary solution to the issues. Here's the thing though. This "business" has an extremely low start-up cost, so it's very low risk, and has a pretty good potential to bring in some money. My original thoughts on it were that it would be highly profitable right away, but I've toned down my expectations a little. The thing is, if we net a profit of more than a few dollars, then everything else beyond that will be gravy. I'm hoping for lots of gravy, but will accept whatever comes from this. Then, if it doesn't turn into a money maker, I won't be crushed and afraid to try the next idea I get. Dawn and I will simply learn from it, and move forward.

Last point. The other night I had a few beers. I never drink enough to get drunk anymore, but a few beers will loosen my tongue. I was a little whiny at first I think. But then I said to Dawn, "We are two extremely capable people. At work, we are always the people who get things done. We are going to get things done for ourselves." We came to a decision about money. It's just a game. The paper it's printed on is not worth much more than the fancy stationery she keeps in her drawer. The number that the bank has in their computer that shows what we're worth is just a number. 1,234,567.89 It's just a number. That one over there is a whole lot bigger than the number that our bank has for us, but we know it's just a number; not the end-all/be-all of human existence. Money is just a game, like monopoly or Risk. I'm good at those. My attitude is changing. Maybe that's what I've needed for years.
John

8 things to do when you've had a bad day

8 things to do when you've had a bad day
It seems like everyone I've talked to today had one of those days. Nothing tragically bad or anything... just a garden variety crappy day. Just so you know... I'm no therapist, so if things are really awful for you, then go see someone. But, if you're just crabby, or work sucked, or your spouse is giving you a headache, or the car broke down... here are my 8 things to do when you've had a bad day... in no particular order of course.

1. Stare at stuff. Some people choose the TV, some the computer... me, I just stare at whatever for as long as I can stand it. Does it help? Heck no, but after a while, I get really bored and go to sleep. Which is a good thing as long as I don't dream about my crappy day.

2. Make fun of other people. Nothing makes me feel more special than making fun of someone who can't spell or mispronounces things. You might be spelling impaired... that's okay. Just make fun of the bald guy (that would be me) or the lady who loves Coldplay (Dawn). Whatever it is that makes you feel like you're better than someone, laugh at them for it. Maybe not in their face unless you're a close friend (my friends can make fun of my lack of hair all they want because it won't bother me) and you know it won't make them sad.

3. Do the Safety Dance. You can dance if you wannoo, you can leave your friends behind. Cuz yer friends don't dance and if they don't dance well they're no friends of mine. Youtube it. Great fun.

4. Look at your high school yearbook. This is especially good if you went to high school in the 80's. Oh my gosh were we a bunch of dorks. Look at that hair. What was she thinking? What was I thinking when I thought she looked cute? Oh, and that guy was Mr. popularity? HAH! The guys who were the big nerds... bet that several of them made their fortunes and are laughing at that guy who was on the football team and now all he has to show for it is a bad knee and a big gut.

5. Tease your pets. Nothing says fun like putting tape on the bottom of kitty's paws and watching her go a little crazy. Unless of course, it's feeding Fido a stick of chewing gum or a tootsie roll and watching him try to chew it up.

6. Do something awkward in public. Stuck at a stop light? Put your finger in your nose and turn to the window and look at the person in the next car. Go to the safeway and when a song comes on that you know, sing it... and be loud! If you see someone in the aisle that you don't know, walk right toward them as they walk toward you and make them do that little dance with you. You know the one. Both go right, both go left, trying not to run into each other. It's much more fun when you do it on purpose. Trust me.

7. Embarass your kids. You gotta love turning your kids all red. Especially when they are with friends. It's just too much fun to talk about things they did when they were younger... or things you did last night. They love that. Trust me on this one too.

8. Smile. It could be worse.

John

If you could only see...

... the way she loves me, maybe you would understand. I know we said this blog was about goal setting and accomplishments, but I hope you'll excuse me if I ramble on about my best friend for a couple of paragraphs. I've never been a mushy, touchy feely, emotional kind of person. Dawn has changed me somewhat in that regard. In marriage number one, my guy friends were extremely important to me. I needed a whole lot of hanging out with the guys... poker games, going to a bar, golf, and bowling once a week. With Dawn, I really don't need that. We truly are each other's best friend, and I never believed that was possible between a man and a woman. I thought it was just an overused cliche, or that maybe some women believed it was possible, but never experienced it. The problem is, most couples form because of physical attraction, and as they age, maybe one of them doesn't have the same sex drive they did when they were in their 20s, and because of that, the relationship suffers. With Dawn and I, it was honestly "friends first." We weren't trying to get into each other's pants. We learned each other's likes and dislikes and how to make each other laugh. It was a great foundation to what has been a pretty amazing relationship.

Now just so you know, if you are married, and this doesn't sound like your relationship, I am not telling you to go looking for someone else! What I would tell you to do if you are in an uncommunicative relationship is... drum roll please... TALK TO EACH OTHER! Sounds tough right? Not. But, it's WAY easier said than done. Married people, or people in long term relationships tend to set a pattern after a few years and it gets exaggerated over time. It's almost like developing a habit. After the initial lovey-dovey portion of the relationship has worn off, lots of couples tend to take each other for granted. Stop right there! Don't let it happen. If it has happened, take some time to find the woman or the man you fell in love with once upon a time. Don't expect it to turn around overnight. Your partner will still be expecting the same relationship that you had the day or the week or the month before. If you keep putting forth the effort to bring your relationship to a new level, more than likely, your "better half" will respond in kind at some point.

Dawn and I talk to each other. It's become a habit to share each other's day. When it's been a bad one, we know to give some space... at least for a little while. We rarely fight, but when we do, it's not over a period of days where we are keeping it in and holding a grudge towards the other. I said this post was not about goals, but it really is. One of my most important goals is to have a happy marriage for "As long as we both shall live." Seriously. It's way higher than money or vacations or things. I want to be able to look back in 40 years and know that I did everything I could to make her happy. That I was the best husband I could've been. Because she's worth it.

We are HUGE in India

Just a quickie here tonight as it is late and I am in dire need of some sleep. Something happened to me today that I never expected and I think it's worth sharing here. I know that the vast majority of you reading this are Dawn's and my facebook friends. Many are friends in real life, but we have not met all of you in person. Dawn and I have recently gotten into Mafia wars in a big way. To "grow our mafia" we decided to post links to ourselves on several Mafia Wars groups. In order for someone to join your mafia, they first have to be a friend on FB. So all of a sudden we went from having 100-150 real life friends that were also FB friends, to having around 600 "close" FB friends who we have never or rarely chatted with. Then Mafia Wars added a feature called gifting. There are some "Rewards" you get added to your vault when you complete a task. You get rings, cigars, poker chips and playing cards along with a few others. The gifting feature allows you to trade with other players you have in your mafia. I went a little nuts with the trading. Sort of like I did with Baseball cards when I was a kid. Just had to have the whole set. I built up a bit of a rep as someone to talk to when you needed to make a trade. Made several FB friends who I actually talk to now.
One of these friends said hello to me tonight. He lives in India. I've also traded and chatted with someone in Singapore, England, Ireland...even Boston if you believe it. Oh yeah. Boston! Anyway, my friend from India... says hi. Asks if I need a card for my collection. I told him no. I've filled the whole set. He says "Cool. Me too." A few minutes go by and he says, Nice blog BTW. I like it. Dawn's too." I was happy he had checked it out, but it didn't sink in immediately what had happened. Something that Dawn and I had written was read in India. Never in my wildest dreams, or Dawn's for that matter, had we imagined that. I mean it's just a silly little blog, but still. A 21 year old guy read my writing on his computer screen in India. How flippin' cool is that?
John

Immortality musings

I watched Twilight last night. Not really by choice. Dawn and her sister made me. They actually tied me to the chair and propped my eyelids open with toothpicks so I had to watch. Can you believe that? No? Fine... I'm a liar. Truth be told, I wasn't against watching it, but not all that excited about it either. I've never been into vampires, and action movies don't really do it for me either. I know, I'm a guy and I'm supposed to be into action flicks, but a lot of them have all these chases and fights and that's the whole plot. I like action to advance the plot, not to BE the plot.

So anyway, I really liked it. If you haven't seen it and want to, don't worry, you can read further. I'm not going to spoil it for you. The film goes into more of what these people are thinking and their internal conflicts than it does into car chases and fights. There are both of those, but they are secondary to the movie. Part of it got me thinking though. Just after Bella realizes that Edward is a vampire, they show him playing the piano, and doing it well. My thought was, what would I do if I were immortal? What special talent would I try to develop over the years? I know I'd want to learn to play an instrument, and learn a new language or two. But really, what I'd want to do is to be the best writer I could be. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. At the moment, this post is proving to be a little difficult for me. Don't know why. Sometimes the words just flow and I love it. Not right now.

Here's my point though. We aren't immortal... at least not as far as this world goes. In actuality, I wouldn't want to be. But why shouldn't I be living my life as if I were immortal? Why am I not doing everything I can do in this finite life to try to live up to my imaginary immortal one? Why do I waste so much time, considering I only have a limited amount of it? Time is something we cannot get back. Warning, here comes a cliche... Carpe Diem! Seize the day! We should develop our skills each and every day as if we were going to use them for all eternity. I'm still going to waste time, I know that I can't change that overnight. But I'll tell you this. I'm sure going to try harder to live like an immortal.

John

Story of a Couple

Well, we've let this slide by the past couple of days. Still healing up from this darn bug we've had. However, we haven't stopped working on our goals. In fact, YO has been hard at work on our goals, whilst I sit by and wait for direction and timing. This project we are working on is great fun for us! We are both looking forward to seeing it through to it's final stage.

I met a man today who lost his wife to cancer about 5 years ago. What a great guy! He had such a wonderful outlook on life. Ten days after he came home from Vietnam, he was in a bar in a small town here in Oregon and this beautiful woman walked in. She was about 130 pounds with long dark wavy hair. He took one look at her and told his friend he was going to marry her. Thirty-six days later, they were married. He said it took some fancy talking and a lot of lies on his part to make it happen. They started a trucking business together, she did the books, he handled the trucking and sales. Their goal was to build a life without worries so they could raise their children (5 of them) in comfort.

When their children were nearly grown, this man (Kurt) bought a brand new fancy semi truck. His wife was ANGRY. He bought it without talking it over with her, and she new it would cut into their lifestyle. Not that they lived a plush life. They had their needs met.

One night, he walked into the house after work and she gave him a kiss and handed him a stack of papers. He said, "what is this?" "Divorce papers" she answered. She was leaving him because he stepped over the line by spending that kind of money, and he wouldn't turn the truck back in. She took her bags and walked out the door as he stood their completely bewildered.

In divorce court, the judge ruled that Kurt could pay $300 a month per child for support. His wife started waving her arm saying "Your Honor! Your Honor!" When he asked her what the problem was, she said "He can't afford to pay that much! I do his books! Now that he's bought that truck, he can't afford anything! That's what this is all about!"

The judge asked Kurt if this were true and Kurt told him yes. The judge then asked Kurt's wife if she loved him. She said yes, with all her heart. He ordered Kurt to get rid of the truck. Kurt agreed, and his wife was home with him again that night.

I laughed the whole way through this man's story. I just thought it was GREAT! And what a way for her to make her point! Stick to our goals! Don't go off on your own little tangent without me!

Kurt said that they retired 5 years before she died of cancer and they were able to travel around in a travel trailer and had the best time together. It was what they had been working toward all along. The children grown and gone, and just the two of them, living their dream. When she died, he went back to work. Lucky for me, because that is how I got to meet him today. He is a janitor at Spirit Mountain Casino and I have to tell you, listening to his stories are better than sitting at a comedy club. He ended the story by telling me that once she was gone, there wasn't anything left for him to do but go back to work and wait out his time to be with her again. I almost cried. And I'm a better person for having met him. I hope I see him again someday.

This is what I want. A relationship that involves two people working together on goals that will further their future. Allow them to have a little fun later in life. I think -- no, I know, that is what we are working toward here. Thank you, Honey... for what you are doing right now. I'm behind you all the way. But... if you buy a semi truck... I'll be handing you papers as well! :)

Thanks for reading - Dawn

Nyquil

The sickening, screw up your head, make your eyes water when you try to swallow it, fade into oblivion medicine. Where's Dawn with that water when I need it? Ahhhh. Anyway, if this post is a little sloopy, plaease forgive me. Thankshh.
So we took a small leap of faith in my idea and invested a little bit of money into it. I have always been an idea man, kind of like Michael Keaton in Night Shift... anyone see that one? I bought it out of the 5 dollar bin at Walmart a few years back. It wasn't a good as I remembered, but still had it's moments. Anyway, in the movie, Michael Keaton is always coming up with these hare-brained schemes and never following through with them. Mine are not quite so hare-brained, but the following through has always been a bit of an issue with me. Not quite sure why. Friday and Saturday night, we took steps 1 and 2 to ensure that this isn't just another thing we end up chasing for a short time and blow off. I think you'll like it when we are ready to show it... hoping by the end of next week.
That's it for now. I'm about to go off into never never land. Sunday will be a big day for us methinks. I gotta get some rest. John

Sickness Be Damned!

This has been a rough week all the way around! I don't know about the rest of you, but when I'm sick, I am completely drained and devoid of any desire to be productive in any way. The only thing I want to do is look at the back of my eyelids. Let me tell you, I've looked at the back of mine a lot the past couple of days, and man o man have I had some really bizarre dreams as a result of that! I'm sure the antibiotics the doctor prescribed have a lot to do with that.

John seems to be kicking the bug with the same attitude he always has when he starts to get sick... "I am NOT getting sick!" For some reason, when I try to kick a bug headed my way, my legs get swiped out from beneath me and I'm down for the count. I'm sure my employer thinks I'm out having a great time shopping. I'd love to show him the multitude of wadded up kleenex on my floor filled with, well... you get the picture.

So my thought today has been "why in the world do we have to work 5 days a week and only rest for 2 days a week." I say that tongue in cheek, a bit. But I actually mean it. John and I are not cut out for working for someone else full time. That has always been something we both want to conquer as soon as possible. Part of our "goal reaching" is to get us to that point. We have talents. I don't know if anyone would pay to see John juggle eggs or not, but we got talents.

Tonite, I saw my husband dance/bounce up and down on the bed because he has come up with a great idea that we are going to pursue. I won't share what it is yet. It will be sprung on the world soon enough. But, I just thought you should know, that even though we are sick and feeling cruddy and foggy headed... we can at least still THINK about our goals. This one is a good one. Genius even. Worthy of adding to the posterboard, lemme tell ya.

It's late. I just needed to get this down before I fall asleep tonite. Goals are worth striving for. And sometimes, when you become goal oriented, a great idea hits. I love that. - Dawn

quitting smoking

So now I am feeling sick as well. Not nearly as bad as the other two in my house, but not good either. Dawn went to the doc and she has bronchitis and an ear infection. I just ache everywhere. Sarah is in the kitchen coughing every 30 seconds or so. We aren't very motivated to go for goals right now. I've been motivated to sit around and do nothing today though. I accomplished that one for sure. WTG John!

Anyway, I don't feel that this will be too big of a setback. I'm just hoping that Dawn's antibiotics, and my vitamin C and rest will help us have a better day tomorrow. Here's the good thing that has come out of it. WE ARE GOING TO QUIT SMOKING! It's been something that we've wanted to do for a long time, but never seem to get done. Last time we tried, I was the one who caved. I was not functioning at all. After a week, I literally stopped being human. Couldn't eat, sleep, couldn't do my business if you know what I mean, and I was not a nice person. Those of you who know me know that I'm almost always nice. I got downright nasty.

Not this time though. I've tried the patch and the gum and pills and none of them worked. What works for me is the lozenges. I bought some not so long ago and when I really need a smoke and can't go have one, I take one of those. They work. Of course I'll have to wean myself off of those over time, but I am going to make it. Dawn did okay last time, other than having to deal with her nasty husband. It's going to work! We need to do it for our health, and we need the money. Cigs are going up around a buck a pack in this area the first of next month. I'm seriously done this time. I mean it!
John